The Nightly Grind

I clench and grind at night.  Bruxism, they call it.  Could be stress, but I'm a pretty mellow guy.  Could just be that I should finally go get my wisdom teeth out on the right side.  It may even be the source of the gum recession, which leads us to our current problem.

Normally the grinding is dealt with by wearing a night-guard. It's nerdy and I'm always hesitant to wear it at the beginning of a relationship when we start with... [ahem]... sleepovers.  Well, there aren't going to be any of those for a while, the way things are going, but I haven't been wearing it anyway.  I can't.  I've just had surgery-- a gum graft-- and there's currently so much other software in my mouth, there's no room for the guard.  The procedure was pretty knarly, so I'll spare you the details,  but all and all not too painful... except when I grind at night.

We've tried muscle relaxers, but even with them I wake in the morning still bleeding.  Best sleep I've ever had though.  I wake up before 6 AM-- sometimes even before 3 feeling refreshed and relaxed.  Even though I'm still able to get back to sleep with no problem, it doesn't feel like I have to.  I certainly don't feel like the world is ending when I get out of bed, which is pretty much how most mornings go.  A fellow could get used to this stuff if he's not careful.

"Keep Your Head Above Your Heart"

the doctor advised. "Until you heal".

Wiser words have never been said.

I Have A Secret...

...and it feels very big. No, you don't know it, but I would wake with it every morning on my lips and carry it in my heart all day, like a weapon. I could feel it, sharp and effective , but perhaps too frightening to ever be used.

So I wrote it down on a piece of paper, folded it up, and hid it away where you won't find it-- secret and safe-- and then slept for the first night in many without it trying to cut its way out.

It Wouldn't Make Me Sing

Yeah, it wouldn't make me king.

I got a call today during which a very adult conversation was had (no, I don't mean talking dirty.  Get your mind out of the gutter).  It was very kindly explained to me that a date wasn't going to be in the cards right now.  It was handled well by both of us, mostly by her.  She had class.  She had grace.  She told me in the way that I would like to think I would tell someone else in a similar situation.  We spoke for a while after about this and that.  We laughed.  We get off the phone and I feel-- oddly enough-- kind of happy.

It's nice to know I can still feel this way about a woman.  It gives me hope.  And now, to my one and only reader, I will say this: remember that long period of abstinence I told you about?  Here she comes.

Hi

So, it's been a while. Sorry I haven't written. I was in this thing and it was good, but it wasn't enough. I gave it everything I had, but I didn't have that one thing that I needed and she deserved so now, here we are.

Did you miss me? I missed you.

I'm at home now, watching a movie. I should be doing my taxes, but I'm watching a cop movie instead. This guy is in the witness protection program and they want to go after his girlfriend and she's probably going to die, which isn't right, what with her being Eva Mendez and all. You don't kill Eva Mendez. I can think of a lot of things to do with Eva Mendez, and all of them are much nicer.

Also, there's this girl. I know. I know! Too soon, right. I just got back and you're worried about me going away all over again, but this is different. This one makes me want to write. This one makes me want to fucking sing for chrissakes. I can't remember a time when I got this excited about spending time with a woman. Who knows how this'll all turn out. I haven't even asked her on a date yet. I don't even know if she'll say yes if I do. For now, though, for now, I am happy to feel this way, just to feel excited. It makes me want to write and, if she says no, if it doesn't work out, well that will make me want to write some more too.

So I'm back.