I missed you for.
for twenty-nine years.
Last night, I worked late, and went to the gym to lift heavy weights over my head repeatedly. This was more pleasant than it sounds. After, I had a Jamba Juice, and then a steak and a glass of wine at The Turf, and then stopped by the Whistle Stop, where there was a book release party and reading, for a whiskey. It is as though I am looking for someone who I should not be, but I need some answers. Life is solidly in the now, without any hooks into or windows looking out on promises, and I need these open roads, to know that I am going somewhere, even if they lead to dead-ends and I have to turn around and come back.
This morning, I finally found the secret yoga hideaway and saw my favorite hot yoga instructor for the first time in months, and while stretching and sweating in a room full of beautiful, lithe women while a one of them leans her body into mine and bends me in ways that I didn't think possible can feel like a new road opening, it is not. That one, is blocked off at the beginning and I am unsure of my willingness to walk down it, should it ever open.
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