Oldest Friend

I love you.

You are not a cheater. I know this, even though you once confided in me that, before you met your husband, I was the last guy you didn't cheat on. We were sixteen when we dated. Now, you have told me, I hold that sole honor again. When I hear this, I do not judge you, in the true sense of that phrase. I don't think ill of you for a moment or rush to characterize you. You are not a cheater, I know this. I've known you since we were eleven. People change, I know that. You've changed, but not in this fundamental way. So why then?

I remember that day, fifteen years ago. You came to school upset. You had broken up with your boyfriend. I was still in love with you then and young enough that your pain over someone else hurt me. By lunch you were gone. My friends came back from the nurse's office. He had left a note for his mother, our biology teacher, and then driven off school grounds in that shitbox car he loved. Pills and alcohol.

He was legally dead by the time they brought him into the hospital, but they managed to revive him. You came into his room and the first thing he told you was, "It's your fault. I did it because of you."

For most of the next two years he held you hostage with that. He cheated on you and you took him back. He treated you like shit. God, he was better to that fucking car. I watched while you tried to get away so many times, but then you'd close your eyes at night and see his lifeless body and next time he came crawling to you, you'd take him back again. What did that do to you, old friend? I can't imagine.

He's gone now and you’ve moved on. Through the years there was a lot of sadness and guilt, but I watched you grow up and watched you fight through it and search for happiness. I am so proud of you, of who you've become, of what you've overcome. You deserve to be happy. If this one is it then hold on and fight for it for all you are worth, but if it is not, then don't stay for a second longer than it takes you to figure that out, even if it breaks your heart. Hearts heal.

I’m sorry for what was done to you. Maybe I wish he hadn’t woken up at all. I know that’s awful, but would that have been somehow easier? Does he even have anything to do with all this anymore, or is it something else?

Be happy. I love you kid. It wasn't your fault.