I went to the bar at the end of my evening, because I wanted to be around people before I went to bed. I sat with my whiskey and looked up at the movie they were playing and minded my own. I thought about chatting up the pretty girl on the barstool next to me, but the body language was all wrong. She was casting glances at me, but maybe only because I was looking at her first. She kept her back to me and didn't seem approachable. Then again, fuck it, I thought. I turned towards her in an overt way so that she would have to either face me, or diss me completely. I struck up and awkward conversation about the movie they had playing and took it from there.
We stumbled. We hit a few dead spots. I threw out some jokes that were big misses, but I did OK. We did OK. She was a little shy, which makes it harder, but it seemed like she genuinely wanted someone to talk to, so I kept it up. By closing she was leaning towards me when she spoke, her arms brushing mine on the bar. When the lights came on, her friends had left and I walked her to her car, which happened to be parked next to mine.
The moment came, where I was required to make a move-- to ask her for her number or, if I wanted to be bolder, ask her back to my place-- and I did nothing. This is hard for me to do in such a situation-- to do nothing. I felt like I was dissing her and, I suppose I was. I liked her well enough, but we didn't quite click and that's what I'm looking for. There are times when I've chickened out when the moment came, and there's part of me that's nagging me that this is what happened here, but it's not. I could have done it, and it would have been easy, way easier than striking up a conversation was in the first place, but I didn't. I'm through with all that. I want something real, a real connection and that wasn't what was happening here. I could tell that after only just a few minutes. I should be proud of myself for following the rules I've set down, but I'm not. I'm just home alone again.
And now I have one less.
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As an apology I asked her if she believed in love at first sight.“Of course,” she said. “All of the other kinds are impossible,” she continued with her gaze fixed on the computer screen
I like this. You should keep up the writing.
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